Obama is Practicing His Far Left Golf Slices, ISIS Their Head Slices

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News flash! Obama had to leave his little balls behind and head to Washington D.C. early Monday for a series of high level, but unspecified meetings. Behind the scenes, it seems the high level Obama meetings included rewriting the teleprompter script for his ventriloquist act with favorite dummy “chatty Joe Biden” and making time for a quick conference with chief counselor in communism, Valerie Jarrett, who when Obama is too far away has “communal collective stress separation anxiety.” Insiders say that Obama was able to calm Valerie down by reminding her that their life long ambition for a borderless America is almost complete and it is time to do a little relaxing and put their feet up, now that the NWO is so close at hand.

Racist and liar Attorney General Eric Holder also briefed Obama on the Ferguson riots. Holder  showed up in Ferguson to make sure that Obama’s gangster, robber, little bro Michael receives the proper treatment. While there, Holder will take time to high five the Black Panthers, communist leaders, ISIS terrorists and Democrat Governor Jay Nixon who has called for the “vigorous prosecution” of officer Darren Wilson. Every thug across America will stop playing their violent video games long enough to hear how Holder intends to race bait and fuel the fire. Then, they will quickly pack up their guns, drugs and knives to make the long trek to Ferguson (they call it “looting tourism”) so they too can join the racist Kumbaya party, flirt with the media, strong arm and blackmail politicians, riot, rob and kill…all for the good of destroying America.

It is also rumored that Obama took precious time away from the golf course to meet with CIA Muslim Director John Brennan. Obama wants to make sure that the United States does not interfere with the beheadings and persecution of Christians around the world, after all, who needs Christians anyway? The Muslim population procreates like a bunch of horny rabbits due to their multiple child marriages and Islam is such a peaceful religion that once all the other religions are eradicated, global peace will abound! Also, after journalist Daniel Pearls beheading back in 2002, beheadings have become so commonplace that when James Foley, a journalist from New Hampshire was beheaded this week, live on Youtube, it was not a featured story….Michael Brown’s abhorrent robbery and resulting race riot has remained in the headlines instead, after all, dividing America into warring factions is such sweet propaganda for the liberal news media!

The Congress and Senate are also enjoying their “August “Recess” and are off to foreign lands…luxurious destinations where they stay for free for “diplomatic reasons” and then charge the entire trip off to the tax payers. That is great news because American’s truly need a break from their oppressive government and Washington D.C. is a great place to visit in August when the elites are not there taking up all the best tables at the area restaurants. So while D.C. is quiet and not paying any attention to national security issues, international terrorism and the persecution of Christian and Jews, I decided to bring you a few insider tidbits that are not being reported right now. It is my wish that the following news flashes will bring a feeling of real hope and change to many American citizens:

Public schools are getting ready for back to school by storing cases of macaroni and cheese, chicken nuggets and ice cream contraband in their kitchens so their students and faculty can survive another year of Michelle Obama’s enforced government green diet that is making school a “joyless experience.” Antique text books containing the true story of how America’s Big Brother government has spent the last hundred years trying to ruin the Republic, are now being placed in every student locker along with basic Arithmetic and Dick and Jane (reading) books, the same half century old books that were used to produce some of the brightest and best educated children in the world today! It was also interesting to learn this week that Barack’s two daughters have decided to enroll in a public school system instead of their fancy private digs in Washington D.C.! Their enrollment into dilapidated, insufficient city classrooms that are now inundated with hundreds of illegal, unvaccinated, Spanish speaking only students is vitally necessary so they can fully experience their fathers fulfilled dream of a transformed America. Their experience will one day be journalized in a book entitled “Dreams From My Screwed Up Father” The book will be made out of flammable materials so that when it does not sell,  it may be used at celebration bon fires throughout the nation when Obama retires from office.

Ranchers in Texas have begun to allow the migration of thousands of wild, snaggle-toothed boars…which has significantly cut back the number of Muslim Jihadists crossing our southern borders. The bad news is that it only takes one immigrant Jihadist to blow up a sports stadium and it seems that the news media is more focused on the “politically incorrect” name of the Washington Red Skins….than they are about being beheaded or blown up by a suicidal Muslim terrorist who thinks there are some virgins waiting for him in that intensely tropical place reserved for Muslims called hell. Also, conservatives in Texas have begun to take up a collection to ship ALL illegal immigrants to Washington D.C, which solves multiple problems. For one; the tattooed drug gang members will keep the elite leaders so busy that their focus will not be on screwing us; two, the elite’s will be the guinea pigs for the GMO vaccines being formulated to kill off the many diseases these illegals are bringing into America and, three; illegals deserve the chance to attend private schools and mingle and socialize with the children of the same pro-amnesty humanitarian leaders who feel multiculturalism is the future for America.

I also found out that while Obama is swilling down his butter laden lobster, many Americans are busy this week learning how to skin and cook squirrel and make their own ammunition in their basements. These are the same people who, after watching how successful Obama’s beer summit was, formed their own “Moonshine Summits” deep in the woods to teach the survival skills necessary for patriots to avoid the government sponsored, taxpayer paid, FEMA Hotels, the Auschwitz -style compounds set up to help depopulate the United States so that Martha’s Vineyard and posh places like it do not have to deal with Tea Party tourists anymore, after all, those lines at the Black Dog for their Quahog chowder are just way too long! These Moonshine Summits are also proving useful for tutorials on making your own homemade Moonshine. The instruction comes complete with free tastings that help take the edge off the alarming national security discussions that come up….the same discussions the Obama “situation” team refuses to address. Survival topics that cover such things as; underground bunkers, proper food and water storage and secret back road escape routes in case of Martial Law are commonplace at these meetings. Typewriters and guns are mandatory.

Churches have been taking a lot of vacations as well. The majority are so afraid of losing their non-profit status and of being investigated by the IRS, their clergy are irresponsibly not speaking out against the purging of God here in the states and seem blind to the brutal persecution of Christians taking place around the world. One thing Jesus was not, was a coward, and his brave example seems to be forgotten by most. Also in the news, prisons used to be a great place to preach the Gospel…but now, Islam has become the most rapidly growing religion in prisons and appears to be a much better fit for prisoners serving life for murdering their wives.

Also in the underground news, the Pentagon is busy this week announcing its latest lay-offs of senior officers who do not fit the treasonous Obama mold. You have to give the Top Brass there a lot of credit though….they are very creative when it comes to smuggling the latest shipment of guns to Hamas and keeping it hidden from the public!

I will end with the most encouraging news of the week, which comes from socialist France of all places. In a real act of heroism, French Foreign Minister Laurent Fabius voiced a message about Iraq for Barack Obama: “Get back to the White House and do something.” Those are profound words considering the fact that our own Congressman and Senators have not even thought to say that…but I almost forgot, they are on vacation too!

Government leaders will be back to Washington D.C., sucking off the system, on September 8th, just in the nick of time for the 13th anniversary of 9/11…and who knows, they may even be “gifted” with a crisis…and savvy politicians never let a good crisis go to waste, do they?

Life with vacationing Obama… sure is a beach!

Uncle Barack’s Cabin

Uncle Barack's Cabin

Uncle Barack’s Cabin

 

Uncle Tom’s Cabin, authored by abolitionist activist Harriet Beecher Stowe and published in 1852, helped lay the groundwork for the Civil War. The main character in her book, Uncle Tom, was a long-suffering black slave. The “sentimental” genre novel, was the second best-selling book of the nineteenth century following the Bible and depicts the reality of slavery while also asserting that Christian love can overcome enslavement. In recent years, the negative politically correct associations with Uncle Tom’s Cabin have, to an extent, overshadowed the historical impact of the book as a “vital antislavery tool.”

Let’s fast forward in time to 2008, when the citizenry of the United States of America elected Barack Hussein Obama to become their first black president, and then elected him again for an astounding second term in 2012! Almost six years into this presidency, Harriet Beecher Stowe would be shocked to learn that now everyone in America, white and black and everything in- between, have become slaves to a black man who, according to his black communist Senior advisor Valerie Jarrett, feels that his six story, 55,000 square foot cabin full of hundreds of obedient slaves is way too confining! Jarrett sympathetically stated, “I think frankly we’ve all been through a cold and bitter winter and the bear has cabin fever.” “His cabin is a little bit bigger and harder to escape than most.” Just last week,”imprisoned” Uncle Barack himself dreamed openly about a future life outside his too big white cabin, “ I’ll be on a beach somewhere, drinking out of a coconut!”

To date, cabin weary Uncle Barack has 31 trips under his belt, totaling hundreds of millions of dollars, including his week long safari in Africa last year that judicial watch estimates cost between $60 and $100 million dollars. Uncle Barack and Auntie Michelle find their cabin so stifling, that Uncle Barack is now officially recognized as the most travelled president in US history! Perhaps if all American taxpayers pitch in, a special tax deductible fund called “Bring the Vacation to US,” can be added to our tax forms! Once enough is collected, the White House could be moved to a luxurious gated golf community in a warm resort location! In the long run, hundreds of millions of taxpayer dollars could be saved, global carbon credits would accumulate and Americans would sleep better at night knowing that a full time golf agenda would keep many of our elite bureaucrats busy and out of our hair!

All hardworking Americans want to learn how we too can shirk our responsibilities and party just like Uncle Barack and his fellow Slavemasters! Maybe then we too would be able to master the art of blindly ignoring the fact that America is $60 trillion dollars in debt, that thousands of parentless possibly diseased children, dangerous terrorists and drug cartel members are illegally entering the USA every day, and that our non-existent foreign policy has allowed the Middle East to become a hotbed of ISIS (Islamic State of Iraq and Syria) terrorism! Maybe we can examine what Uncle Barack and his team of Slavemasters did last weekend as an example and learn the secret to a happy life without the stress of worrying about an America that is about to be handed over to the NWO.

First, where else would a bored, roaming grizzly with cabin fever go, but to the luxurious Rancho Mirage, CA where the state flag features a roaming grizzly, and upon arrival at the airport, a real life grizzly animal named Sen. Barbara Boxer is always on standby to meet and greet Uncle Barack as he once again exercises his dereliction of duty. Uncle Barack’s fun filled four day weekend began by attending an invitation only breakfast, Democratic fundraiser at the home of environmental activist Anne Earhart, where 25 supporters forked over up to $32,400 each to meet the famous amateur golfer. After the fundraiser, Uncle Barack delivered the UCIrvine commencement address at Angel Stadium in Anaheim. With a feisty tone and a touch of aggravation, he laid into Republicans who question the science of climate change and urged the graduates to take on global warming as a cause, while declaring that the number one problem affecting the world today is climate change!

Uncle and Auntie Obama then wined and dined at the luxurious Rancho Mirage cabin of Michael Smith and his partner James Costos…double the campaign supporter pleasure, Michael the decorator of luxurious cabins like the White House, James, Uncle Barack’s hand chosen Ambassador of Spain and Andorra, a man well qualified to maintain and raise the Gay rainbow flag over the U.S. Spanish Embassy at all times!Uncle Barack then enjoyed a much needed break from his oh so ordinary Maryland Golf course to hit some balls at some of the toniest golf courses in California. It is the sixth time he’s golfed in Rancho Mirage and the 176th time he has hit the links since becoming president…such a great way to release all that cabin fever! Meanwhile, Auntie Michelle was taking a much needed break from her cabin slave attendants and her duties as the High Priestess of Obesity to visit daughter Malia who is interning for the summer with major campaign contributor and film maker Steven Spielberg. Sounds like a busy and fun time was had by all!

All Americans eager to party as well must keep in mind that the key to Uncle Barack’s being able to relax and enjoy his California gay coconuts is because his fellow Slavemasters are hard at work lying, cheating and stealing for him while he is away from his confining D.C. cabin. For example, Vice-president Joe Biden jetted off to Brazil to congratulate the U.S. soccer team after their win over Ghana, making sure to include family in the freebie trip by watching the game with one of his granddaughters and a young nephew. All this while Islamists in Kenya and Nigeria slaughtered 74 innocent soccer fans as they watched the World Cup at viewing areas.

Sycophant extraordinaire, Secretary of State John Fonda Kerry was busy reciting Maya Angelou poetry in London while boasting about climate change and then raced off to shore up his bromance with Leonardo DiCaprio who gave a speech at Kerry’s star studded “Our Ocean” conference on the world’s real “vital security issue”; climate change! Funny, someone on his well paid advisory staff has not pulled John Fonda Kerry aside to inform him that those ISIS beheadings are taking place, weather or no weather!

Hustler Harry Reid made notable headlines by declining an invitation from the Washington Redskins until the team changes its offensive name and he “will not stand idly by while a professional sports team promotes a racial slur as a team name and disparages the American people.” Should that be Harry’s number one priority while every American is in danger of eventually losing not only our scalps, but our entire head to Islamic extremists? But, heroically, the United States Patent Office, decided to step in and do the dirty work for dirty Harry and using questionable strong armed tactics, cancelled the Washington Redskins federal trademarks!

Nancy Pelosi showed off her stellar executive branch skills by giving Archbishop Cordileone of San Francisco a piece of her mind about his insistence on walking for marriage. Pelosi called the event “venom masquerading as virtue.” I think Python, Holycrap Pelosi should have been honest and also told the media that Bishop Gehring, the clergy she “uses,” works for George Soros! Nancy also condemned Republicans for adding white potatoes to the WIC vegetable bill; “including the potato is an assault on science.” My question is, was she once assaulted as a young girl by “Mr.Potato Head” and did that assault impair her brain?

Attorney General Eric Holder was kept busy making sure his hundreds of full time lawyers were sealing every possible loophole that would prevent thousands of illegal aliens from being deported so that they can become the new Democratic voter base! Who would have thought that a Democratic Senator ( Guestavo Rivera of New York) would put forth a new legislative proposal that would give these aliens the right to vote and collect government benefits! Brilliant! The DOJ was also hard at work making sure no one in the media talked about the e-mail back-up system in place at the offices of the IRS that has all the evidence ever needed to incriminate Lois Lerner!

DHS was covertly trying to out-do all the other Slavemasters by hastening the transformation of the USA into a militarized police state by coordinating the transport of United Nations armored vehicles that were being hauled on flatbed trucks, up the Interstate near the Alabama-Georgia border, bound for an undetermined destination. Mohamed Elibiary a senior adviser to DHS and head cheerleader of treasonous behavior in Uncle Barack’s “cabinhate” spent his time gleefully tweeting about an inevitable “Caliphate” in the Middle East.

Whew. You have to give Uncle Barack’s swami cabin chieftains a lot of credit! They sure know how to pick up the bureaucratic ball and run with it while Uncle Barack is away from the cabin! The bottom line is, just whistle to the tune, Don’t Worry, Be Happy! and everything will be just fine.  “Ain’t got no place to lay your head, somebody came and took your bed…don’t worry, be happy! ” According to Harriet Beecher Stowe, Christian love can overcome enslavement! But, will Christian love overcome treason? Uncle Barack has aided, abetted and given comfort to the enemies of the United States by releasing enemy combatants who will once again wage war against the USA….and that’s just for starters. Voting in November will no longer solve the entire problem. Richard Anthony asked in a recent article “are we ready to enlist a brave few prosecutor’s across the country to file criminal charges against the president, with Americans the plaintiffs of the suits?”

Here’s a bit of sage advice for Uncle Barack from Patrick Henry, “If this be treason, make the most of it.”

So Uncle Barack, sit back, keep sipping out of your coconuts and, Don’t worry, be happy!