Obama is Practicing His Far Left Golf Slices, ISIS Their Head Slices

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News flash! Obama had to leave his little balls behind and head to Washington D.C. early Monday for a series of high level, but unspecified meetings. Behind the scenes, it seems the high level Obama meetings included rewriting the teleprompter script for his ventriloquist act with favorite dummy “chatty Joe Biden” and making time for a quick conference with chief counselor in communism, Valerie Jarrett, who when Obama is too far away has “communal collective stress separation anxiety.” Insiders say that Obama was able to calm Valerie down by reminding her that their life long ambition for a borderless America is almost complete and it is time to do a little relaxing and put their feet up, now that the NWO is so close at hand.

Racist and liar Attorney General Eric Holder also briefed Obama on the Ferguson riots. Holder  showed up in Ferguson to make sure that Obama’s gangster, robber, little bro Michael receives the proper treatment. While there, Holder will take time to high five the Black Panthers, communist leaders, ISIS terrorists and Democrat Governor Jay Nixon who has called for the “vigorous prosecution” of officer Darren Wilson. Every thug across America will stop playing their violent video games long enough to hear how Holder intends to race bait and fuel the fire. Then, they will quickly pack up their guns, drugs and knives to make the long trek to Ferguson (they call it “looting tourism”) so they too can join the racist Kumbaya party, flirt with the media, strong arm and blackmail politicians, riot, rob and kill…all for the good of destroying America.

It is also rumored that Obama took precious time away from the golf course to meet with CIA Muslim Director John Brennan. Obama wants to make sure that the United States does not interfere with the beheadings and persecution of Christians around the world, after all, who needs Christians anyway? The Muslim population procreates like a bunch of horny rabbits due to their multiple child marriages and Islam is such a peaceful religion that once all the other religions are eradicated, global peace will abound! Also, after journalist Daniel Pearls beheading back in 2002, beheadings have become so commonplace that when James Foley, a journalist from New Hampshire was beheaded this week, live on Youtube, it was not a featured story….Michael Brown’s abhorrent robbery and resulting race riot has remained in the headlines instead, after all, dividing America into warring factions is such sweet propaganda for the liberal news media!

The Congress and Senate are also enjoying their “August “Recess” and are off to foreign lands…luxurious destinations where they stay for free for “diplomatic reasons” and then charge the entire trip off to the tax payers. That is great news because American’s truly need a break from their oppressive government and Washington D.C. is a great place to visit in August when the elites are not there taking up all the best tables at the area restaurants. So while D.C. is quiet and not paying any attention to national security issues, international terrorism and the persecution of Christian and Jews, I decided to bring you a few insider tidbits that are not being reported right now. It is my wish that the following news flashes will bring a feeling of real hope and change to many American citizens:

Public schools are getting ready for back to school by storing cases of macaroni and cheese, chicken nuggets and ice cream contraband in their kitchens so their students and faculty can survive another year of Michelle Obama’s enforced government green diet that is making school a “joyless experience.” Antique text books containing the true story of how America’s Big Brother government has spent the last hundred years trying to ruin the Republic, are now being placed in every student locker along with basic Arithmetic and Dick and Jane (reading) books, the same half century old books that were used to produce some of the brightest and best educated children in the world today! It was also interesting to learn this week that Barack’s two daughters have decided to enroll in a public school system instead of their fancy private digs in Washington D.C.! Their enrollment into dilapidated, insufficient city classrooms that are now inundated with hundreds of illegal, unvaccinated, Spanish speaking only students is vitally necessary so they can fully experience their fathers fulfilled dream of a transformed America. Their experience will one day be journalized in a book entitled “Dreams From My Screwed Up Father” The book will be made out of flammable materials so that when it does not sell,  it may be used at celebration bon fires throughout the nation when Obama retires from office.

Ranchers in Texas have begun to allow the migration of thousands of wild, snaggle-toothed boars…which has significantly cut back the number of Muslim Jihadists crossing our southern borders. The bad news is that it only takes one immigrant Jihadist to blow up a sports stadium and it seems that the news media is more focused on the “politically incorrect” name of the Washington Red Skins….than they are about being beheaded or blown up by a suicidal Muslim terrorist who thinks there are some virgins waiting for him in that intensely tropical place reserved for Muslims called hell. Also, conservatives in Texas have begun to take up a collection to ship ALL illegal immigrants to Washington D.C, which solves multiple problems. For one; the tattooed drug gang members will keep the elite leaders so busy that their focus will not be on screwing us; two, the elite’s will be the guinea pigs for the GMO vaccines being formulated to kill off the many diseases these illegals are bringing into America and, three; illegals deserve the chance to attend private schools and mingle and socialize with the children of the same pro-amnesty humanitarian leaders who feel multiculturalism is the future for America.

I also found out that while Obama is swilling down his butter laden lobster, many Americans are busy this week learning how to skin and cook squirrel and make their own ammunition in their basements. These are the same people who, after watching how successful Obama’s beer summit was, formed their own “Moonshine Summits” deep in the woods to teach the survival skills necessary for patriots to avoid the government sponsored, taxpayer paid, FEMA Hotels, the Auschwitz -style compounds set up to help depopulate the United States so that Martha’s Vineyard and posh places like it do not have to deal with Tea Party tourists anymore, after all, those lines at the Black Dog for their Quahog chowder are just way too long! These Moonshine Summits are also proving useful for tutorials on making your own homemade Moonshine. The instruction comes complete with free tastings that help take the edge off the alarming national security discussions that come up….the same discussions the Obama “situation” team refuses to address. Survival topics that cover such things as; underground bunkers, proper food and water storage and secret back road escape routes in case of Martial Law are commonplace at these meetings. Typewriters and guns are mandatory.

Churches have been taking a lot of vacations as well. The majority are so afraid of losing their non-profit status and of being investigated by the IRS, their clergy are irresponsibly not speaking out against the purging of God here in the states and seem blind to the brutal persecution of Christians taking place around the world. One thing Jesus was not, was a coward, and his brave example seems to be forgotten by most. Also in the news, prisons used to be a great place to preach the Gospel…but now, Islam has become the most rapidly growing religion in prisons and appears to be a much better fit for prisoners serving life for murdering their wives.

Also in the underground news, the Pentagon is busy this week announcing its latest lay-offs of senior officers who do not fit the treasonous Obama mold. You have to give the Top Brass there a lot of credit though….they are very creative when it comes to smuggling the latest shipment of guns to Hamas and keeping it hidden from the public!

I will end with the most encouraging news of the week, which comes from socialist France of all places. In a real act of heroism, French Foreign Minister Laurent Fabius voiced a message about Iraq for Barack Obama: “Get back to the White House and do something.” Those are profound words considering the fact that our own Congressman and Senators have not even thought to say that…but I almost forgot, they are on vacation too!

Government leaders will be back to Washington D.C., sucking off the system, on September 8th, just in the nick of time for the 13th anniversary of 9/11…and who knows, they may even be “gifted” with a crisis…and savvy politicians never let a good crisis go to waste, do they?

Life with vacationing Obama… sure is a beach!