Michelle Obama, her daughters, and her mother are in China this week without President Obama, who has his own trip planned to Europe and Saudi Arabia. It has created a bit of a national crisis because of all the in-fighting going on over who gets Air Force One and who gets Air Force Two because there is a crucial difference between the two; the stewards don’t serve alcohol on Air Force Two and require Blackberries to be turned off and seat-belts fastened. In addition, the press seats on Two are much smaller and two bathrooms mid-plane must be shared by staff and press alike. Both Obama dogs and their handlers are also perturbed and feel slighted because their private jet will not be accompanying the family to China for a much needed inspection of facilities that produced jerky treats which poisoned hundreds of American dogs. But, all’s well that ends well because the diplomatic forces on Capitol Hill know that Michelle will be doing what she does best….V.A.C.A.T.I.O.N.  and a happy wife is a happy life for her vast support team!

Michelle will be meeting with the First Lady of China, Peng Liyuan, a People’s Liberation Army (PLA ) Major General and goodwill ambassador to the World Health Organization. Her husband, Xi Jinping, China’s state President has his degree in Marxist theory and ideological education, so he and Michelle will hopefully be able to share a cozy fireside chat and exchange notes about Marxist indoctrination in their respective government school systems. Michelle also plans to visit with high school and university students. The secret service has been placed on high alert, ready to grab Michelle if she tries to inspect the student’s lunch pails. During the March 19-26 trip, Michelle and her enormous entourage of cosmeticians, wig fitters, eyebrow painters and assorted other servants will visit Beijing, Xi’an and Chengdu and she is asking American students to follow her travels by tuning into the Global Learning and Diplomacy Blog. In advance of the trip, Michelle pointed out in the blog that poverty and climate change are of a global nature and that “These issues affect every last one of us, so it’s critically important that young people like you learn about what’s going on not just here in America, but around the world.”

I am sure that many children in America whose parents do not have a job, have had their health insurance canceled, and are foraging for food in dumpsters will be fascinated with her concern for global issues, including poverty and education. According to a report in The Nation, “With the exception of Romania, no developed country has a higher percentage of kids in poverty than America. America also has a remarkably high percentage of people in what is called “deep poverty,” less than half the official poverty rate.” “That so many leaders of a country with a $17 trillion economy tolerate so much misery amid so much plenty is one of the great scandals of our age.”

As far as education is concerned, according to The Broad Foundation, after World War II, the United States had the #1 high school graduation rate in the world. Today, we have dropped to #22 among 27 industrialized nations. American students rank 25th in math, 17th in science and 14th in reading compared to students in 27 industrialized countries and less than half of American students, 46 percent, finish college, putting the USA in last position among 18 countries measured on this indicator.

Impressive, if you want a bunch of students unprepared for the real global world. But Americans know that Michelle does care about government run schools and along with her Common Core groupies is very concerned that students get their proper training in pornographic LGBT and sex education. After all, If they do well in those classes, then their “A” in sex will outweigh their “D’s” in math and science and will allow them to graduate. While students scratch their drugged ADHD foggy heads and wonder if maybe the last vaccination that Uncle Sam forced upon them may have contributed to their chronic confusion, they are content to spend the next week watching Michelle on their school computers instead of reading the multicultural, politically correct Common Core reading requisites like, Dreaming In Cuban by Cristina Garcia, which is more like reading an article from the latest Hustler magazine.

In addition to their similar viewpoints regarding Marxist inspired education, mythical Michelle and Peng share other potentially bonding traits. Peng is an expert in folklore and elaborates on her fairy tales by singing.  Among her most popular songs are Embroidering the Red Flag and, To See Liberation For All Oppressed  (no joke). Perhaps Michelle can show off her singing talent as well! I am sure that Peng would be impressed with her version of Happy Birthday that she sang to Barack last year at his birthday party!

While Michelle conducts speeches which detail Al Gore climatology and eating healthy brown rice instead of white, the important human rights issues will be left to Secretary of State John Fonda Kerry who recently stated that many governments are engaging in politically motivated prosecutions and using new technologies to control dissent, whether in public squares or through various types of technology. Kerry singled out several governments he said have abused the human rights of their countrymen, including; Syria, Russia, China, Egypt, Bangladesh and Ukraine. He said 80 governments around the world have enacted laws discriminating against homosexuals.

China immediately came back with a Jab at the U.S.A. accusing it of hypocrisy concerning human rights violations, saying that “posing as ‘the world judge of human rights’ the U.S. government “made arbitrary attacks and irresponsible remarks” on the human rights situation in more than 200 countries and regions. “However, the U.S. carefully concealed and avoided mentioning its own human rights problems, adding that the U.S. tapping program, code-named PRISM which exercises long-term vast surveillance both at home and abroad is a “blatant violation of international law” and seriously infringes on human rights.” China goes on to point out the drone strikes that have caused significant civilian casualties, that unemployment has topped 21 % and the homeless population has climbed to 16%.

While on her tour, Michelle will be visiting the Great Wall of China, one of the New 7 Wonders of the World. The Wall, a series of fortifications made of stone, brick, tamped earth, wood and other materials, is approximately 5,500 miles long. It has been rumored that the Wall can be seen from space, which has proven to be a total fallacy. However, Al Gore’s climate scientists, known for their accuracy, have successfully shot a photo of Michelle’s visit to the Wall from space using an advanced telescopic lens, as evidenced in the above photo of Michelle taken from Gores climate-gate telescope in the sky! Now space shot Michelle can claim to be the 8th New Wonder of the World!  It is also worthy to note Michelle’s ability to hide her Crown Jewels for so long, baffling to both investigators and Americans alike! Citizens would like to know her secret and wish that Fort Knox, which has not been audited in over 60 years, had such a secure “vault” for it’s treasure!

While Michelle, Our “Belle”  is munching on fried sesame quail eggs and planning her next vacation, Americans are plotting another get-a-way for her as well! A collection has been taken to coordinate a NASA trip to the moon, a space flight complete with booze, large bathrooms, and the ability to be unrestrained from seat belts. There will be plenty of room for the liberal press as well. Frank Sinatra even had the foresight to sing about her upcoming trip this spring with his version of Fly Me to the Moon, encouraging  Michelle to  play among the stars and see what spring is like on both Jupiter and Mars!

So, while viewing the moon this spring, if you can clearly see the “man” in the moon…it just may be Michelle Obama enjoying her extraordinary extended vacation, courtesy of the American taxpayer.