Last week I received an e-mail from my local Republican Congressman Robert Pittenger. In it, he warns to “Be prepared, Not Scared” and to make common sense preparations for a possible attack on our Homeland. Pittenger then provides a link for his new “Terrorism Preparedness Manual,” that he as Chairman of the Congressional Task Force on Terrorism and Unconventional Warfare prepared with the help of an assortment of “experts” including FEMA, the CDC, former CIA director Woolsey and former DHS Secretary Michael Chertoff.

Well bless his little heart, Americans now have a plan so that we are less likely to panic during a crisis that involves; chemical attacks, biological warfare, nuclear attacks including strikes on nuclear power plants, dirty bombs, explosions and kinetic attacks, cyber warfare/hack attacks, and the threat of Pandemic disease.

Pittenger calls it a “beginner’s handbook” for dealing with “sudden changes in our day-to-day lives” and offers practical advice such as; get warm if cold, take shelter during a nuclear blast or dirty bomb event and in the case of a chemical attack, try to get upwind. The “Emergency Plan” gives plenty of contact information so that DHS and FEMA can help us in our time of need. But wait, I am confused, aren’t those the same Gulag government agencies who have labeled me a far-right domestic terrorist because I am a warrior for God, family and America? My survival instinct tells me DHS and FEMA are my oppressive enemies and to avoid them at all cost!

It took no less than thirteen “experts” to assemble the simpleton survival tips and guess what….the handbook left out the most important preparedness item of them all….being armed for the riots that will occur after any one of the aforementioned disasters takes place! The millions of ingrates sucking off the government system will surely panic when McDonalds french fries are nuked rather than fried and then they will immediately show up at my door looking to steal my Cheeto’s! In Obama World, not being scared is to be properly armed at all times and to have the ability to defend our homes and loved ones against intrusion; government or otherwise. I am not sure what this Pittenger handbook cost the taxpayer, but my free practical advice is this; purchase a copy of “Combat Handgunnery,” how to defend your family, home and yourself, and sign up for a craft class in weaving bacon doormats so your neighborhood immigrant jihadist does not consider you Halal deli meat and slice you in half with a Machete. To Pittenger’s credit, he did suggest having a Bible on hand in case of an emergency. If a Democrat had written the same tips, the Bible would assuredly have been left out.

If “conservative” Pittenger and the rest of Congress were doing their job, a lot of the crisis they are warning us about could be avoided. Seventy-four House Republicans, including Pittenger, joined Speaker Boehner and caved in to Democrat demands by passing a “clean” funding bill for the Department of Homeland Security on March 3rd that funds Obama’s executive amnesty actions and shields about 5 million illegals for deportation, including 30,000 illegal immigrants with criminal records. According to I.C.E., there are now 167,527 criminal aliens loose in the USA as of Jan. 26, 2015! A 19-year old illegal charged with killing a former “America’s Next Top Model” contestant and three others in North Carolina last month was just spared deportation after being approved for Barack Hussein Obama’s Deferrd Action program! In just the state of North Carolina alone, there have been well over 5,000 charges filed against illegal aliens assaulting, molesting and raping our children in the last fourteen months and to make matters worse, North Carolina is funding these activities! Illegal immigration costs North Carolina taxpayers about $2 billion per year which amounts to about $578 for every household headed by a native -born or naturalized U.S. citizen, and ranks the state as the 11th most impacted by illegals in the country!

A similar illegal immigrant scenario is playing out throughout the nation. While our public servants are busy funding DHS and writing fluffy preventative handbooks, they are turning a blind eye to a new compound in Alexandria, Virginia that is gong to be used to process illegals. Despite a court order, the Obama administration is working behind the scenes to quickly award multi-million-dollar contracts to firms that can expeditiously process millions of illegal immigrants. A Request for Proposal from DHS estimates potential requesters for deferred action to number “approximately four million people” and the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services anticipate “approximately five to six million forms.” This amnesty program will cost the taxpayers nearly half a billion dollars and expand the federal workforce by 3,100. The annual rent for this compound will be $7,771,082 and on-site guard services over $1 million dollars. Meanwhile, the taxpayers who are footing the bill so that thousands of illegal criminals and terrorists can cross our open borders and kill us, get a freebie handbook and warning. But, why should Capitol Hill worry…their elaborately outfitted Fallout shelters are ready and waiting.

In a recent speech, Hillary Clinton stated that “I think we have a huge fun deficit in America, and that “Politicians could use Camp For Adults” to foster cooperation. She then imagined a red cabin and a blue cabin where politicians could come together. What a novel idea! Let’s name it Camp CravenCrook. The definition of craven is; lily-livered, faint-hearted, chicken-hearted, spineless, timid, timorous, fearful, cowardly, pusillanimous, weak, feeble, yellow, chicken, weak-kneed, gutless, yellow-bellied, wimpish, contemptible, abject, ignominious, and recreant, and we all know what a crook is and if not, just google Harry Reid or any number of political hacks in Washington D.C.! The name of the proposed camp for politicians, CravenCrook, sure does seem to be a great fit!

The good news is that the taxpayer does not have to fund activity directors for Camp CravenCrook because Hillary and Bubba Clinton can readily assume the role of head councilors, after all, Hillary has vast experience in being able to spew tall tales at the campfire while roasting important documents and hard drives and Bubba is well qualified to tell lewd ghost stories about Monica Lewinsky to the happy campers; “There were a lot of times when we were alone, but I never really thought we were.”

There is one glitch about Camp CravenCrook that all Americans must be made aware of.The Republicans and Democrats are obviously “in bed with each other,” a no-no at most camps and it is of particular concern at Camp CravenCrook because scandal and blackmail are obviously a huge problem, so the lily-livered “pink” cabins and the blasphemous blue cabin campers must be taught to never commingle. RINO-DONKS are already in huge supply on Capitol Hill so to help alleviate that traitorous situation, CongressmanTrey Gowdy and Senator Tom Cotton will be assigned to supervise both camps and oversee the important covert sting operation which patriots will henceforth call by its code name: Operation Purple.

The following instructional lays out Camp CravenCrook’s strict rules including respect for “We the People” and the Operation Purple guidelines. Perhaps the Republican party can be saved after all.